Thursday, January 7, 2010

I am walking the cow.

Basic actions are a challenge during this time.  For some time the office has been the only place I approach adequate functionality.  So as I consider my current condition, I think about -- as I so often do -- what kind of symbolic action I can take to shake things up.

Because apparently the start of a new decade isn't laden with sufficient promise on it's own.

Anyway, short of getting a new tattoo (which would be fun), I'm at a loss.  By missing last year's window of change (in other words, by not trusting my foresight of it two years ago), I have left myself in this place.

This is not necessarily a bad thing, because the new target in my sights, which for the first time doesn't feel unachievable, is something of a dream come true, so perhaps closing that window has opened a door.

Meanwhile, I need to focus on finding ways to manage my current daily demands, while preparing for the next stage.  I feel too weak to do this, and finding the strength to at least begin is why I long for a symbolic boost.  As Mark Pauline says, whatever works is legitimate.  But fear of unbalancing my comforting stability keeps me timid.  Meanwhile, not doing so keeps me in a discouraging malaise.

Some days, music helps.

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